GPOYW, taken 3/3/09. (and no, I am not always looking off to my right)

GPOYW, taken 3/3/09.
(and no, I am not always looking off to my right)

GPOYW, taken 3/3/09.
(and no, I am not always looking off to my right)
I hereby begin the canonical list of questions for which there are no good answers:
Which of these kids is boning my teenage daughter?
What kind of cancer do I have?
What is that sticky stuff that I just stepped in with my bare feet?
Adding: