Hi, you’ve reached the office of Tony Delgrosso. I’m unable to take your call at this time, because I haven’t been getting much work done in my office lately – must be something wrong with the whole feng shui thing – so I’m probably out at the coffeshop with my MacBook, trying to actually be productive for a couple of hours.
If you leave a detailed message, I’ll call you back as soon as I can. Though, chances are I won’t even check my messages until late tonight, so if I call you right back it’s apt to be too late to actually reach you. And, come on, what’s the point in me leaving a “Got Your Message So Call Me Back Tomorrow” message on your VM? So I’ll write your name on a little sticky note and promptly lose it in the shuffle of my desk, where, as I just mentioned, I don’t spend much time lately anyway. And you’ll get all pissy and mumble under your breath about how bad I am at returning your calls. Dick.
If you think your call really is quite urgent, I guess you can try to reach me on my cell. But now that I think about it, if I’m out at the coffee shop, the signal in there is really shitty, so even if I do get your call, all you’ll hear is static and me shouting at you from my table, which I won’t do, because I don’t want everyone in the place staring at the shouting guy with the iPhone and the laptop and the cup of coffee that’s too big for someone his size to be drinking.
So, your best bet is to just send me an email. And even then, your chances of a reply are slim.