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I just wanted to take the time to personally thank Tony for being a gracious host and trusting me as a guest blogger in his time of absence. You have all been a very well-mannered audience and in the end, we can all say we had a great time, but deep down I know how you truly feel. It’s okay, I deserve it for selling those nude pictures of your mom.

I look forward to the possibility of writing for Tony again and maybe even working together at the capacity of what could be considered a slightly maladjusted individual with severe back hair. I wanted to post more on the topic of tech & science and not be so personal, but I just didn’t have it in me. So, I will leave you with this:

If there was one wickedly formidable superhuman power I wish I had, it would have to be an innate random insult generator. I can almost count on one hand the numerous times this ability would have proven advantageous. Sure, you can fly, but I’ll be referring to you as a [INSERT RANDOMLY GENERATED INSULT HERE] while doing so. Also, the ability to disable vulgar language would be beneficial, just in case I get into a name-calling match with another 5-year old. Take that, you spam humping thighbone nibbler.

If you have found any and/or all of what I have written to be overtly offensive, then please follow me on twitter. We hope you had fun on your vacation Tony, good luck cleaning up this mess. I left your phone bill next to the garbage, which I also didn’t take out.

- Josh Hopkins, guest blogger

Excerpt from an actual email exchange I had today with my nephew, age 11:

Nephew:  Uncle Tony, I was wondering how much an apple laptop costs?
Me:  If you want an Apple laptop for school, you can get a MacBook for $999.
Nephew:  But how much would an apple laptop be not the macbooks just the regular one?

See, he doesn’t want a MacBook, he wants an Apple laptop.  Ah.  My mistake.

I feel confident that this kid has a job waiting for him at TechCrunch when he grows up.

Every time I get the itch to go back to grad school for an MFA, I realize that I’d have to spend two years of my life listening to people like Stephen Fry’s character in this skit…

…and then the itch goes away.

It struck me just now, out of absolute nowhere, that Dwight Schrute is quite possibly the love child of Brett Somers and Charles Nelson Reilly.

Clearly I need to quit work for the day.  No more Genius will spill forth onto the page when my brain is spewing out that kind of randomness.

[50 bonus points if you laughed without having to Google any of the aforementioned people; 25 bonus points if you knew the names but had to Google photos for the full effect.]