Meticulous Perfectionism

Recently, I’ve come to accept my obsessive-compulsive disorder for what it is: Meticulous Perfectionism. I refuse to be labeled as an “anal retentive”. Sigmund Freud may have theorized that a child interrupted in the late stage of anal development can produce obsessive behavioral traits in adults, but I didn’t shit in the bathtub as a child to later be described as anal retentive. No thank you. You can keep your slang term, because I prefer mine slightly more.

The psychological theme here is self-control and obedience. Ultimately, my toilet training failed and my parents were always too controlling, so naturally we can place the blame on them for my overly rigid and highly organized adult life. It’s time for a review, so shall we? Great!

BOOKS: I organize my books in any number of ways. They are grouped by category and stacked horizontal or vertical in ascending order according to size. Color coordination is far too insipid and tawdry. You should possibly contemplate killing yourself if this is your method of organization.

CLOTHING: My clothing is first organized by clothing type, i.e. pants, jeans, long sleeve button shirts, short sleeve button shirts, t-shirts, etc.  I don’t necessarily organize by color, except for t-shirts, which are very important and the obvious exception to the rule. Abusive t-shirt organization is attributed to flaws in the Oral Stage of your development, approximately at 18 months. There is nothing that can be done now, accept failure and move along to creating your To-Do List.

TO-DO LISTS: These are fundamentally flawed, because the amount of time that it takes to keep rewriting them after you have marked something off of the list reverts back to making more work in and of itself. If you were able to make it past that last sentence, then it is best we move along to the grammatical section pertaining to proper spelling and enunciation.

GRAMMAR: One of the biggest annoyances is encountering and dealing with a general malfunction of the common English language. If you can’t properly speak or form sentences, then I am no longer interested in what you have to say. You can also forget about ever being considered my friend. I might possibly call if I need money, but please write what you are going to say on paper first before attempting to speak to me. I can forgive childish misspellings and even a misplaced apostrophe or two, since no one is perfect, except maybe for me. It most likely comes down to a problem with the Genital Stage. Again, the psychological theme is maturity and we all know you skipped that phase of your life.

I hope these tips have brought a new found feeling of pride for those who also suffer from the same obsessive thoughts and phobias. Remember, it’s not anal retentive, just perfectionally meticulous.

[ I’m surprised you stopped washing your hands long enough to write this post. – ed. ]

– Josh Hopkins, guest blogger

posted 9/4/08 at 4:47pm to Snark · 3 replies · permalink